The Occasional String Band

Intelligent Design Lyrics

Copyright 2008

 

BTU Blues (Haworth)

My baby smiles and kisses me when she walks in the door

She's got a way about her puts my pheromones in a stir

Shrimp and Chardonnay for dinner fruit and ice cream then a bowl

She tidies up the kitchen and walks up to me real slow

 

I'd know that smile from half a mile

 My blood changes its course

She licks her lips and curls her tongue

And her eyes take me by force

 

Turn the lights off let the dog out let the dog back in again

By the time I shave and brush my teeth my baby's all tucked in

Slip into bed beside her she's breathing soft and low

She moves right over to me and I can feel her soft warm glow

 

Then I get so excited

I just can't wait to perform

Thinking of all the fun we had

So many times before

 

But that magic smile is gone says she's weary to the bone

But now that you're here I can sleep

Thanks for keeping me warm

 

 

Dance Floor Behavior (Schennum)

 

The band keeps playing our favourite love songs and weíre danciní

Theyíre using a karaoke machine so they canít plat ehem wrong and weíre danciní

 

I had about 12 shots of smooth Royal Crown, danciní

And Iím having some concerns about it all staying down while weíre danciní

With depraved abandon

 

Letís leave real soon

We can take my car

We can go to your place

What do you say?

By the way

What is your name,

Anyway?

 

Let me tell you what Iím thinking let me tell you what I mean, danciní

Gonna need some change for that Lifestyles machine, dancing

With depraved abandon

 

Letís leave real soon

We can take my car

We can go to your place

What do you say?

By the way

What is your name,

Anyway?

 

 

Found my Libido (Schennum)

 

I was sitting in the basement- Surfing on the web

I clicked a pop-up message -This is what it said

Is your life when you are nekkid - As good as it can get?

We sell drugs, we sell devices - on the internet

 

Found my libido Ė Found my libido

Found my libido on the internet

On the internet - On the internet

 

I typed in my number Ė for my master card account

Gave authorization - for the entire amount

It was worth every penny Ė I even typed in a tip

Cause I found my libido Ė on the internet

 

Found my libidoÖÖ

 

My right armís getting stronger Ė from the things I do at home

With so much libido Ė and so much time alone

Iím looking for a lover - whom I can always please

With my extra added inches - and my rock hard qualities

 

I may never be as neat-o Ė as Quentin Tarantino

But I found my libido on the internet

 

                                               

When You Come Back Down (Tim OíBrien, Danny OíKeefe, ASCAP)

 

You got to leave me now, you got to go alone

You got to chase a dream, one thatís all your own

Before it slips away

When youíre flyiní high, take my heart along

Iíll be the harmony to every lonely song

That youíll learn to play

When youíre soariní through the air

Iíll be your solid ground

Take every chance you dare

Iíll still be there when you come back down

When you come back down

 

Iíll keep looking up, awaiting your return

My greatest fear will be that you will crash and burn

And I wonít feel your fire

Iíll be the other hand that always holds the line

Connectiní in between your heart and mine

Iím strung out on that wire

Iíll be on the other end

To hear you when you call

Angel you were born to fly

If you get too high Iíll catch you when you fall

Iíll catch you when you fall

 

Your memoryís the sunshine every new day brings

I know the sky is calling

Angel let me help you with your wings

Take every chance you dare

Iíll still be there when you come back down

When you come back down

 

 

Maybe the Mountains (Haworth)

T
ight little curls spilling down your neck
I follow the curve of your silhouette
As lovely a smile as Iíve seen in a long long time


Standing in front of the mirror tonight
Which one is wrong which one is right
You ask me what should I wear then make up your mind
You know whatever you choose suits me just fine


You had to let it all go
Come bock to the start Not let the hurt show
Trying to be happy together but feeling alone
Just looking for something more than you have on your own


You climb the mountain to share its soul
Searching for stories as yet untold
So youíll spend a few hours and walk through the flowers of home
Maybe the mountains can tell you what you want to know

 

 

Intelligent Design (Schennum)

 

I gotta wear shoes or Iíll tear up my feet

Gotta wear clothes just to hold in the heat

I was not intelligently designed intelligently designed intelligently designed

I was not intelligently designed intelligently designed intelligently designed

 

Too many flaws to list at one time

From the fungus on my feet to the filth on my mind

 

If there was a designer I get my friends and go to his place

And break out his windows and damage his face

 

Iíve known a long time I wasnít designed quite right

The playground was built beside the sewer pipe

 

 

Fresh Air (Haworth, Haworth)

 

Left me standing waiting at the curb

Then you deceived me again at church

You'd do anything to roll and fly

Mama caught you red-handed

It's my life you demanded

You'll do anything to roll and fly

 

You gotta go click in for the cowboy grind

Gettin better at the topside

Doin a shifty on the backside

Watch you don't drop in for the last time

 

Drove your daddy into a rage

Came this close to a slap in the face

You'd tell any lie to roll and fly

 

Doin the alley-oop soul glide

Got the lowrider fish brain 3 times

Burning up the quarter pipe

Wish I slept like you at night

 

Grandma came all this way

But you're bringing a friend and your skates

You'll do anything to roll and fly

 

 

Control Freak Frustrations (Schennum)

 

Been driving this car since I donít know when

Donít know where Iím goiní donít know where Iíve been

And the wheels arenít connected to the drive train

The wheels arenít connected to the drive train

The wheelís not connected

 

I turn at the wheel feeling powerful inside

Like a child having fun at a carnival ride

But the wheel.....

 

My carís got a mind of its own

My carís got a mind of its own

But the wheelÖ..

 

The gas pedal doesnít do a thing when you gun it

The same thing is true for the brake

The levers and the knobs on the dash are cosmetic

The controls look real but theyíre fake

But the wheelÖ.

 

Sometimes it goes the way it should go

Sometimes I feel so sure Iím in control

But the wheel.....

 

The Flip Side (Haworth) 

 

Iím running the rat race with a new look on my face
So much of whatís new can be viewed as amusing today
Smelling the flowers exploiting the hours
Clearing the haze from my head and feeling the power
Yeah I never had this gleam in my eye
ĎTil I got to the flip side

Iíve been on the right side Iíve been on the wrong side
Iíve been haulin myself outta bed by seven for a long time
Iíve been on the cool side laying around poolside
Now I smile and I walk right on by ainít playin the fool this time
No I never had a smile quite so wide
ĎTil I got to the flip side the flip side

You can play the A side but you been playin it so long
That the grooves are worn so deep and wide
And the highs are almost gone

 

 

Mean People (Schennum)

 

Trixie the lifeguard did her job good

She chirped on that whistle as loud as she could

When little kids broke some tiny little rule

Sheíd kick their little asses right out of the pool

                                                               

Does it make you feel good when you yell at someone?

You get all red in the face when you put them in their place

Can you feel the adrenaline roar through your veins

Does authority make you a little insane?

Is it better than crack?

A rush like that?

 

Florence the airport security guard

Probes every passenger - She never gets tired

Checks every shoe, every bag, every purse

On a good day, a deep body cavity search

Does it make you feel good when you probe someone?            

 

Mr. Jones works for the IRS

His first name is secret, donít even try to guess

He loves to explain how the system is fair

Your problems are irrelevant - Just cough up your share

Does it make you feel good to tell someone that?

                                      

Here in the U.S.A (Haworth)

Cop pulls me over says Iím going too fast

Waves at the caddy that goes flyiní past

Wants to know where Iím goiní and where Iíve been at
Looks at my ashtray says what is that?


Now the Judge says that Iím goiní to jail
They take my car put it up for sale
Iím a criminal for smoking pot
Rich guys that rip us off are not


My cellmate beats his wife and has no shame
Both our jail sentences are the same
The child molester gets out early
to make more room for potheads like me


Oh whereís the justice
oh whereís the reason
whatís happening to the freedom
Here in the
U.S.A.


My drummerís daughter spent a year in Iraq
George told her turn around you go right back
The war keeps Georgeís buddies in the black
They hide the coffins and they hide the facts


Here we choose just how we want to live
But Jesus loves a conservative
Their bible tells us that we have free will
But choose our values or youíll go to hell

 

 

Alanís Song (Schennum)

 

Thereíve been some changes at the company             

That affected Alanís normal state of being

Theyíre testing folks at work - and he could lose his perks

If evidence of reefer can be seen

 

Now Alan canít smoke reefer anymore

No Alan canít smoke reefer any more

No Alan canít smoke reefer, cuz heíll activate a beeper

When they test his body fluids at the door

 

I met Alan many years ago

Iíve been around him, this is what I know

He never lies around the room like a decompressed balloon

Like government ads on TV always show

 

Alan canít smoke reefer anymore

Alan canít smoke reefer anymore

Unless he finds a good physician to write him a prescription

Alan canít smoke reefer anymore

 

I guess it bugged the wrong republicans

But all his life it never bothered him

For over 50 years, heís smoked it without fears

Of bureaucratic needles in his skin

 

What normal person ever would believe

That someone has an interest in their pee?

Senator Bob, you sure did a fine job

Of pushing through this social policy

 

Now Alan canít smoke reefer anymore

No Alan canít smoke reefer any more

No Alan canít smoke reefer, cuz heíll activate a beeper

When they test his body fluids at the door

 

Alan canít smoke reefer anymore

Alan canít smoke reefer anymore

Although alcohol is cheaper, itís not the same as reefer

Alan canít smoke reefer anymore

 

 

Rush Hour (Schennum)

 

Slow movin' car in front of mine

The driver sure seems to be wastin' time

Grey wisps of hair beneath his hat

A couple of dents around the sides and back

 

These streets look different when I drive slow

They blur when I go too fast

Ten cars behind me all in a line

The wait for a chance to go past

 

In the left hand lane it's rush hour time

Weavin' between the white and yellow line

Turn signals and brake lights flash it's in low gear

It's hard to tell but he just might turn here

 

He don't care when the mad ones pass

Hands on the horn and their feet on the gas

Sometimes he smiles, sometimes he winks

He doesnít care what other drivers think

 

 

Hamilton Freeway (Schennum)

 

I got flipped off on the Hamilton Freeway

Just because I stopped when the light turned red

The car from behind passed by on my right side

Wheels on the sidewalk ~ Hereís what I wish I wouldíve said

 

Shit for brains ~ You wear a size one hat

Itís still a loose fit ~ You probably know about that

Does your mama know ~ What youíre doin to

Her Subaru ~ Her Subaru

 

I hardly ever see cops on the Hamilton Freeway

Except when theyíre parked at the donut shop

They never look outside when theyíre all on break

You could go 95 ~ And you wonít get caught

 

I donít know why this freeway goes

Through so many school zones

And all those speed zone signs

Are nothing but a waste of time

And all those crosswalk lines

Only serve to waste my time

 

Iíd like to see sod on the Hamilton Freeway

Put the green grass in and dig the asphalt out

Detour signs say Division or Greene Street

Make those Road Rage Weasels take some other route

 

 

Since Youíve Been Gone (Schennum)

 

Since youíve been gone I lost my incentive to drink alcohol

Since youíve been gone I stopped banging my head against the wall

Feeling no pain at all Since youíve been gone

 

Since youíve been gone I lost my desire to hang myself

Since youíve been gone Iíve greatly improved my health

Iím no longer in a trap Since youíve been gone

 

Since youíve been gone Since youíve been gone

I really felt inspired because the way my brain is wired

I had to write a song about how great I get along

Since youíve been gone

 

Since youíve been gone -  I stopped asking myself what I was thinking

ĎCuz I donít care - I finally found a way to fly

Far far away from you - Since youíve been gone

 

Since youíve been gone

Since youíve been gone

No more stress and no more grief - All Iím feeling is relief

I took back the words I said about the bullet in my head

Since youíve been gone

 

I donít climb on top of buildings way up high above the ground

And jump and yell and scream until the police talk me down

Since youíve been gone

 

 I Canít Read Your Mind (Schennum)

 

Talking with your eyes Ė and your eyebrows too

Then your words emerge Ė And I just get confused

Iíve got a simple mind Ė simple as can be

Telepathic clues Ė are usually lost on me

 

So please Ė please get real                                                                                

Mean what you say Ė say what you feel

And donít expect for me to guess

Based on what you said

What you really meant

 

ĎCuz I canít read your mind - No I canít read your mind

If I could Iím not sure what I would find

I canít read your mind - I canít read your mind

If I could it would be a waste of time

 

Youíre speaking cryptically - And you talk in tongues

Itís meaningless to me - I think youíre out to lunch

Out to lunch - youíve been there all day

Out to lunch at an ďall you can eatĒ buffet

 

I Don't Want No Woman (Robey, BMI)

 I don't want no woman

 Tellin me what to do   

I don't want no woman

Tellin me what to do

Well I'm grown now darling

Just as grown as you

 I don't want no woman

Tellin me this and that

I don't want no woman

Tellin me this and that 

Well it makes me mad 

And I don't go for that 

You drink your whiskey

 I'll drink my wine

You tend to your business

And I'll tend to mine

 I don't want no woman 

Tellin me how to live my life

I'm gonna leave you darling

 I don't want no wife

 Used to boss your men 

That I can't deny

Before I'll let me boss me 

I'll lay down and die

 I don't want no woman 

Tellin me how to live my life

Gonna leave you darling

I don't want no wife

 

 

More Than Half an Hour (Schennum, with apologies to Robert Burns)

 

May all your children be begat by someone you can stand!

For more than half an hour or so - for more than half an hour

May all your love relations last - for more than half an hour.

 

© 2008 Garden Variety Music

 

Personnel on Intelligent Design

Steve Schennum: Guitar, Vocals, Mandolin, Bass, Harmonica

Geoff Haworth: Bass, Vocals, Guitar

Tom Stembridge: Drums, Percussion, Vocals

Larry Weiser: Saxophone

Louise Butler: Cello, French

Bruce Ainslee: Banjo

Phil Kleinman: Dobro

Tom Tupper: Didgeridoo

Todd Lifka: Calliope

Linda Parman: Pennywhistle

Alan Fisher: Vocals

Megan Beech: Vocals

 

Go Baaaaack